This, too, shall pass: Finding peace in Step-parenting and Tom Hanks

As much as I'd like to be one of those overly productive people who wake up in the morning, start on their routine, ready to conquer everything on their to-do list. I'm the person who loves to scroll mindlessly through Instagram, drinking my coffee while trying to tune out Miss Rachel blaring in the background. Don't get me wrong, as a mother to an almost toddler, Miss Rachel is one of the most important people in my life. But at 7:30 in the morning, hearing Icky sticky bubble gum for the 20th time is enough to make me want to turn my coffee Irish. 

While mindlessly scrolling, trying to wake myself up, I saw a clip of Tom Hanks talking at a round table with other actors in his friendly Toy Story voice. The clip talks about how he wishes he'd known earlier in life that all things are temporary.

"You feel bad right now?" He says, "You feel angry? This too shall pass."

"You feel great?" The other actors laugh and nod in agreement. "You feel like you know all the answers? This too shall pass."

As parents, it's so easy to get lost in the wave we're riding now. My son took a very long time to sleep for longer than 2 hours at a time. I functioned on 4 hours or less of sleep for the first 7 months of his life. And now that he's sleeping a little better, I still understand that nothing lasts forever. Had a bad night? Woke up every 2 hours? 

This, too, shall pass.

Slept from 7:30 PM until 8 AM this morning? Great! 

This, too, shall pass.

In stepfamilies and blended families, there's an even deeper level to this. In my family, we experience times when things are running so smoothly that it feels like we've mastered this whole co-parenting thing. The kids come to and from, thriving in both homes and are generally happy with their lives as a whole. When things are going well, we understand that we may not always agree on everything but that we are all doing our best for the kids. You power through the small disagreements and little bumps in the road like small waves on a lake. 

Other times, it can feel like you're on a tiny paddleboard in an ocean so choppy, so harsh and you lost sight of the shore a long time ago. You're just floating, lost at sea, wondering if you’ll ever find your way home again. 

Blended families are like wheels on a car. When all the wheels are full, the tread is new, and the alignment is right, the car runs smoothly. But unfortunately, it's not practical for all four wheels to be perfect at all times. When you put the kind of pressure we put on ourselves as parents of blended and stepfamilies, that pressure builds and builds until one or all the tires feel the effects. When one tire is low on air, you can't double the air in the remaining three and expect the car to run like it did before. Instead of letting yourself sink into the fear of why you have such bad luck, why you have to put in so much work into maintaining this car, you drive on until you find a gas station. You fill up the tires evenly and keep driving. The next 1,000 miles are smooth. No problems. But soon, the other tire will need air, and maybe one will be flat. It's not an indicator of whether the car works. Whether the car is a good car. It's temporary maintenance. It won't last forever. 

During the harder times of blended or stepfamilies, the times when it feels like you cannot seem to get on the same page, whether it's with your stepkids, your partner, or your co-parents, just know it won't be forever. We are navigating through extremely challenging roads. There will be hard times, there will be times that make you wonder if you'll ever see the light at the end of this tunnel. But as parents, as stepfamilies, and as humans, we understand that it's not forever. We'll get through this hard time, see our way to the other side, have months or years of easy times, and then see the hard times again. It's all temporary. The good, the bad, the easy, the hard. 

So for now, while my son has about an hour and a half left of his wake window, I'm going to pause Miss Rachel, thank her for her service, and hold him next to me for as long as he'll let me. I'm going to think about the last 11 months, how fast it all goes, and how slow it feels at the same time. Watch his face as the toys come alive in the first scene of Toy Story while I sit in the joy and the sadness that this, too, shall pass.